Cash Prize
by Spinnerweb
Summary: "Aim well, there's a cash prize for bagging one." A simple motivational statement by Brixham results in unforetold misery for him at the hands of three Class G students who want said prize.


No engineers or shocktroopers left. Class G were down to their last three infantry units: Pete, Joachim and Vario, and the rebels were firing at them so hard that the wall they were taking cover behind would soon be nothing more or less than chicken-wire. Avan was in solitary and without him leading their missions in Yuell were unexpectedly a lot less smoother than anyone thought, but none of them had turned out this bad.

"Dude, we're the unluckiest people in the world! We're gonna die out here, I just know it!" Joachim wailed, clutching his head.

Professor Brixham decided that these three needed motivation.

"Aim well, there's a cash prize for bagging one," he said over the radio.

At this three pairs of eyes lit up and the three took characteristically drastic action. Joachim jumped out from behind the wall and shoved his warpick into the incoming mauler's mouth, knocking his teeth in and knocking him out. Pete sprayed the three rebel shocktroopers with bullets, killing two of them, sending one running for cover and wasting all his ammo shooting after that one. Vario pulled out his lance and fired at the rebel tank that had already been weakened by Noel and Coleen before they had to pull out. He missed miserably, tried again, and the tank exploded.

"I'm picking up signals from the rebels' radio - they're retreating!" Lavinia radioed.

"Yeah, no thanks to you, cat," Vario said.

"Woo! Avan, bro, we did it! Did you see?" Pete shouted into his radio.

"Avan's not here," Zeri's voice responded. "And please don't yell. My head is hurting from that stupid scout's kick anyway."

"Yeah, he's in solitary. Man, he's even unluckier than I am," Joachim said, pulling his warpick out of the mauler's mouth.

"You're pretty lucky, man, WE'RE pretty lucky!" Pete said. "Brixy's gonna give us a cash prize!"

At that point, Hubert Brixham was just happy that all his students were alive. He didn't know that in the next few days, a simple statement by him would bring unforetold misery.

_The next day_

"BRIXYYYYYY!" Pete said, bursting into the staff room. "I came about that ca - "

"Go back, knock, enter politely," Professor Brixham said without looking up.

Pete was going back to the door when it slammed open, hitting him in the face and knocking him out. Joachim, who had opened the door, looked down in surprise at him and then said, "Oh, so he thought he'd come here without me and get the pri - "

"OUT OF MY WAY! OUT OF MY WAY, CAT, BEFORE I TRAMPLE YOU TO DEATH!" Vario said, running full pelt into Joachim and pushing him over Pete's unconscious body. He stepped over them but Joachim dragged him back by his ankle and threw him out of the room. There was a crash in the corridor, followed by a slap, a whack and Vario's scream.

"Professor Brixham," Juliana said, coming into the room with her hand over her chest and breathing heavily. She entered with more grace than anyone previously but was still very flustered.

"Take your hand off there, kids read these stories too!" Brixham said.

"What?" Juliana said, blushing and taking her hand off her chest.

"What is this commotion?"

"Sir, this animal - " Juliana said, gesturing towards Vario who was standing out in the corridor with a huge red slap mark on his face, " - came flying into the corridor and slid right underneath my skirt!"

"Nevermind, Juliana. I'll make sure he never does it again. You can leave."

"Thank you, sir," Juliana said, going out and not noticing Joachim ogling the underside of her skirt as she stepped over him.

Pete finally regained consciousness and the three of them stood in front of Professor Brixham.

"What is this about?" he said.

"Cash prize," they said in unison.

"What do you mean? I don't remember anything - "

"You said there was a cash prize for bagging one, and I bagged two," Pete said.

"I knocked one out," Joachim said.

"Tank," said Vario.

"I never meant that," Brixham said. "It was just motivation."

"Of course you meant it," Pete said, taking a step forward slowly.

"We'll never let you go until we have our prize," said Vario in a guttural voice.

"Never, never, never," Joachim said, advancing menacingly.

Brixham pulled open his drawer and procured a gun from it with a flourish. He pointed it at them.

"This thing's loaded, don't take another step near."

"Hey, Brixy, we were just messing around!" Joachim said, backing away. "No need to go psycho."

But as it turned out, Brixham's sanity would be put to the ultimate test in the following days. At every corner either Pete, Vario or Joachim would spring him demanding their cash prize - no less than ten million ducats, they said.

One day in the mess hall, Vario, Pete and Joachim were discussing how they would split the money.

"Nine and a half million to me because I took out the tank, a quarter of a million to me because of my amazing singing voice and you two can split the rest," Vario said.

"No, we'll split it thirty percent each way and donate the rest to a religious group in exchange that they pray for my luck to improve," Joachim suggested.

"It's all mine!" Pete said.

"Don't be ridiculous, what would a kid like you spend it on?" Joachim said.

"I don't know... but chicks love a rich man, so I'll always have the girls going around me like butterflies," Pete said, a far-away look coming into his eyes.

"And you'll never spend any of it? Bah. I'll use it to kickstart my singing career and live in luxury," Vario said.

"You're not getting any money," said Brixham, who was passing by. He was starting to have weird dreams of the three searching his room to see where he kept his money.

On one night he woke up during one of these dreams to find that they WERE searching his room. He yelped and lunged for his gun which he now always kept by his side, and fired at them. They ducked and crawled out of the room, but Brixham had had enough. He was starting to think the unthinkable. He wished Avan was here. Avan-induced catastrophe would be an excellent exchange for THIS torment.

So the next day, Avan was let out of solitary and Brixham confessed his woes to him over a cup of tea and with much sobbing.

"P-please get them off my back," he said, wiping his eyes.

"OK," Avan said.

"You will?" Brixham said, leaning forward.

"Yeah, but for a little reimbursement."

"What? Name it!" Brixham said.

"Ten million ducats."

Brixham let out a scream of frustration.

All this passed through Brixham's head and he was still on the battlefield in Yuell.

"Sir, only Pete, Vario and Joachim are left. Should we continue?" Lavinia reported.

"NO!" Brixham screamed. "Tell them to pull out! For God's sake, pull out!"


End file.
